I think I officially have burn out, hopefully it doesn't last long. I figured out how many hours I put in at the hospital in the last 7 days (1 week)...86!!! And I also realized that in the last 9 weeks since I started clinics I have only officially had 2 days off where I did not need to come in to the hospital, and on one of those two days I ran the Boston Marathon. Fuck. I have no missed 5/7 parties this week....hopefully I will make the two remaining ones tomorrow. But all I feel like doing now is curling up on the couch and crying since I feel like I can't get any of my work done. I have so much to do and for the first time in ages it feels SO overwhelming, I could probably get some of it done in an hour or two, but I just want to curl up on the couch and cry and/or vomit instead.
I did this to myself in undergrad a lot. I used to volunteer as an EMT, take 19+ credits a semester, worked as a research assistant for an animal welfare agency, worked full time, and volunteer at a zoo and stable on the weekends in undergrad...I would GO GO GO for a good 4-5 months and then crash and burn for two days, becoming a big ball of tears and hyperventilation. Then I would recover, get back on my feet and GO GO GO again for the next 4-5 months. The frustrating part now is that the amount of hours I put in at the hospital is out of my hands. I would do less if I was allowed, but I am required to work these insane hours to graduate. I know I need to be social and get out to be sane, but I am getting stressed trying to manage my social life, plus school, plus the various other commitments like running (yes, I need that for my health) and the international certificate program and planning a trip to Australia and trying to do a research project and write a grant proposal for Joerg on exotic animal medicine stuff, and manage my car insurance switch. This sucks, I am torn, do I break down and let it out and let myself cry, and maybe feel better after, or do I keep fighting it and hope this sinking feeling in my throat goes away?
1 comment:
Take a couple hours for just yourself, to feel everything you need to feel, and relax.
Make a list of things you need to do, come up with a plan, and then you'll feel better about where you are.
And just know... we love you!
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