pathology...ick!! Dead Bodies!

I am having a rough time on my pathology rotation. Generally the hours are good...for three week it is usually 8-5 with weekends off...tonight was the once a week exception where we had two random autopsy requests come through at 4:45pm so we were there until after 8pm. But the thing I am struggling with is the afternoon necropsies in general. We spend 2-5 hours every afternoon performing necropsies on animals, which is quite a brutal thing. So far I have done 3 dogs, 1 horse, and 1 duck. Being a vegan, meat is unfamiliar to me, and we use meat knifes and scalpels and shears and bone saws, etc. to cut through the skin, bone, tissues, muscles, etc. We take samples from all over the body, which is why so much needs to be cut open or detached and thoroughly inspected. And there is something repetitive, OCDish, and nauseating about slicing through all the tissue with a meat knife. I have found that almost every night I fall asleep thinking of that slicing motion since it is so repetitive and it works well for my OCD, even though it makes me want to vomit at the same time. I have had nightmares for 2 days in a row now, normally about slicing things, dead bodies, and in one I accidentally cut my fingers off while slicing meat (which is so odd since slicing meat in itself is a nightmare for me being vegan).

Today was even more troublesome since we had two late necropsies to start, and when I started reporting all the external findings on the one case, I kept thinking "Hmm..this dog looks familiar...this is like dejavu." Suddenly it dawned on me, and I looked at the dog's name tag and realized he had been one of my patients less then a month ago! I had admitted the sweetheart to the ER, taken care of him for 8 hours, transferred him to medicine, but then followed up on his case for the next two days after that since he was such a sweet dog. When he first came in through the ER with me it was obvious he was a deathly ill dog when you looked at his physical and his labwork, but he wouldn't let you know that with the way he ran around carrying his leash in hi mouth, wagging his tail, and searching for human attention. He had been doing well with medical treatment at home until today, when he went downhill fast...and ended up in pathology.

I know there is a need for veterinary pathologists, in fact, so much so they get paid TONS, but it is not for me. I hope I can make it through the next 2 weeks with less nightmares then usual.