So mark's dad is retired and is loving it. They own a beach house in Orchard beach Maine and now that his dad is retired he spends the entire summer there with the family dog Penny. His dad really wanted me to come up to meet him, so Mark convinced me last weekend. I was on call Saturday from 8am until 8am on Sunday, so we left first thing Sunday morning. It was actually only a 2.5 hour drive form my place (less then to NYC).
Mark's family dog, penny, is a beagle-shepard cross. The whole family adores her and talks so highly of her. But I think Mark was a little worried since I guess she is scared of strangers at first. Mark kept warning me how she would probably growl a little at me and hide behind Mark for awhile, and might not be interested in me since Mark was there. I told him not to worry, and that just cause I was a vet student didn't mean I expected every animal to naturally love me.
Well, I had to laugh, since Penny came barreling down the driveway to see Mark, and I ignored her since most of the time scared dogs like that. She sniffed my hand some and didn't growl, but didn't seem to care about my presence either. But sure enough, we got in the house and sat around the table, and when penny checked me out I rubbed just right behind her ear or something, since she suddenly jumped up on my lap and was super sweet. She kept seeking my affection all morning and leaned against me like I was part of the family, which the family all thought was quite interesting and not common. Mark made a comment that "She is such a smart dog and she will remember you forever now." I just smirked and said "Glad I passed the test, I guess I am a keeper."
Mark's dad was an interesting character. His mom came up to see us too. We walked up the beach a couple miles and then back through town. It was windy but nice. And of course they all wanted traditional Maine lobster for dinner, but Mark's mom was so sweet and brought up stuff to make stuffed peppers and sweet potatoes for me. Sadly, even though Mark was the one who wanted me to meet all his family, he and his dad don;t get along that well, so Mark got stressed for what I felt like was no reason. When it came time to go get the lobsters, Mark's dad wanted me to see the town so bad, but Mark had had enough of his dad, and Mark bailed last minute (to sneak to the corner store and buy some cigarettes), leaving me to go on a 30 minute car drive through town with just his dad, and his dad was so pleased to show off the lobster fisherman and store where we got the lobster. As I gazed in to that sad full tank of poor lobsters that I just wanted to set free. I kept biting my lip and telling myself in my head "I am the best girlfriend ever". Mark was right though, his dad is SUPER opinionated, and I knew better then to start some philosophical arguments, although there were many opportunities for that and I continuously pinched myself to force out a smile and pray the subject would get changed.
All and all though, it was fun. His family is very nice, and his dog is great (I might be dog sitting her for his family when they go to seattle later this month to visit Mark's older brother).
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
77 hours in 6 bloody days...
I hate to complain so much, but I need to. And I hope at some point in the future I will be able to reflect on this blog, so I am going to try to get all my conflicted feelings out in it. Since Sunday at 4pm I have worked 77 hours...between Sunady 8am and Weds. 8 am I got a total of 13 hours of sleep...and I am fucking bitter as hell. Bitter about having to work so much, bitter about being slave labor sometimes, bitter that my classmates don't have such horrible luck, and bitter that I am expected to grin and bear it, even enjoy it. I have been on anesthesia for the last two weeks, and while i have learned a lot and loved the people in the department, I am sick, fucking sick, of the insane hours.
Sometimes I wonder if I just am not as hard working as I thought and maybe I just can't handle working as much as I thought, even though in the past my friends and family have always been amazed by how much I can handle. Then I realize my classmates are handling it better then me cause on average they are working 10 hours less then me...since on this rotation so far I have had the WORST luck on call...I ALWAYS get called in until 4am, and then have to work the next day like usual from 7am until 7pm, or longer. My classmates, the techs, even the doctors have all commented that I have the worst luck and always get emergencies while on call and have worked longer hours then everyone else. I try to appear pleasant on the outside, but inside I am bitter and angry and miserable...I broke down in tears 4 times on Wednesday (only once in front of someone, poor Mark had to be the comforting boyfriend).
And all of this has made me start to question what I want to do after graduation. I have realized that while I used to be able to handle working this many hours on things, I have never before been forced to "put all my eggs in one basket", and before clinics I always had the choice to drop things even if I never did...now I am forced to work these hours for school, and have no time for other things in my life, just clinics.
I originally thought I would do an internship after school, ideally in a zoo setting although I know with my grades it would be a miracle if I got a zoo internship, so I figured I would end up at a place like Angell in Boston, and then might do a two year residency to be certified in avian and small mammal medicine. But doing an internship means another year of working insane hours like clinics, while getting paid shit and having to defer paying off student loans for a year.
Speaking of loans, I wonder what is the best way to pay them off. I want to go in to zoo or wildlife medicine, but there is not a lot of pay there, so I figured I would have to do some private practice or something different to make some money. If I ultimately want to go back in to academia (which I think I do) an internship is a good idea, though not required. Also, there is a lot of money in emergency medicine, even if you are not certified, and if you do an internship almost any hospital will hire you as an experienced ER doctor since your internship is 80% ER work...you work 3-4 days a week, 12-15 hour days, but have at least 3 days off a week, and make between 100-150 grand. I've thought of that as a way to pay off loans in 3-4 years, but then would have to do an internship
Then there is private practice. I know why I didn't want to go that route before, and still feel the same if the place was like shaker vet, but if I could find somewhere I liked the staff, etc., it is appealing thinking of a job that is a 4-5 day work week, time off for vacation and CE, great benefits, great pay...I see the draw. Clinics has created the appeal in me.
But most of all I do not want to be over worked like I am now. I need time off for myself. Sure, I am active, and my time off is normally spent doing things, from running marathons, to kayaking, to being involved in research, etc., but I need that variety to stay sane, and I want to enjoy going to work everyday. Right now I am so fucking busy at work I never seem to take the time, nor do I even think to, to stop and bond with some of the amazing animals I work with. I just need to keep running to keep up. It's not fair, to me or the animals.
Ok, that's it for now...except a pet peeve of mine...don't you hate people that always think they do more work then anyone else? Even if they see on paper someone else is working more then them they complain or comment on how much work they have done. And if you start to complain they tell you to suck it up since "we knew clinics would be like this"...or people who don't know how to say thank you, but instead just act like you didn't do anything to help them and that now they have so much work to do after...yeah, being on anesthesia with a classmate like that is tough.
Sometimes I wonder if I just am not as hard working as I thought and maybe I just can't handle working as much as I thought, even though in the past my friends and family have always been amazed by how much I can handle. Then I realize my classmates are handling it better then me cause on average they are working 10 hours less then me...since on this rotation so far I have had the WORST luck on call...I ALWAYS get called in until 4am, and then have to work the next day like usual from 7am until 7pm, or longer. My classmates, the techs, even the doctors have all commented that I have the worst luck and always get emergencies while on call and have worked longer hours then everyone else. I try to appear pleasant on the outside, but inside I am bitter and angry and miserable...I broke down in tears 4 times on Wednesday (only once in front of someone, poor Mark had to be the comforting boyfriend).
And all of this has made me start to question what I want to do after graduation. I have realized that while I used to be able to handle working this many hours on things, I have never before been forced to "put all my eggs in one basket", and before clinics I always had the choice to drop things even if I never did...now I am forced to work these hours for school, and have no time for other things in my life, just clinics.
I originally thought I would do an internship after school, ideally in a zoo setting although I know with my grades it would be a miracle if I got a zoo internship, so I figured I would end up at a place like Angell in Boston, and then might do a two year residency to be certified in avian and small mammal medicine. But doing an internship means another year of working insane hours like clinics, while getting paid shit and having to defer paying off student loans for a year.
Speaking of loans, I wonder what is the best way to pay them off. I want to go in to zoo or wildlife medicine, but there is not a lot of pay there, so I figured I would have to do some private practice or something different to make some money. If I ultimately want to go back in to academia (which I think I do) an internship is a good idea, though not required. Also, there is a lot of money in emergency medicine, even if you are not certified, and if you do an internship almost any hospital will hire you as an experienced ER doctor since your internship is 80% ER work...you work 3-4 days a week, 12-15 hour days, but have at least 3 days off a week, and make between 100-150 grand. I've thought of that as a way to pay off loans in 3-4 years, but then would have to do an internship
Then there is private practice. I know why I didn't want to go that route before, and still feel the same if the place was like shaker vet, but if I could find somewhere I liked the staff, etc., it is appealing thinking of a job that is a 4-5 day work week, time off for vacation and CE, great benefits, great pay...I see the draw. Clinics has created the appeal in me.
But most of all I do not want to be over worked like I am now. I need time off for myself. Sure, I am active, and my time off is normally spent doing things, from running marathons, to kayaking, to being involved in research, etc., but I need that variety to stay sane, and I want to enjoy going to work everyday. Right now I am so fucking busy at work I never seem to take the time, nor do I even think to, to stop and bond with some of the amazing animals I work with. I just need to keep running to keep up. It's not fair, to me or the animals.
Ok, that's it for now...except a pet peeve of mine...don't you hate people that always think they do more work then anyone else? Even if they see on paper someone else is working more then them they complain or comment on how much work they have done. And if you start to complain they tell you to suck it up since "we knew clinics would be like this"...or people who don't know how to say thank you, but instead just act like you didn't do anything to help them and that now they have so much work to do after...yeah, being on anesthesia with a classmate like that is tough.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
nyc time #2
it's been awhile since I have written...mainly because I started anesthesia this past week, and damn it is rough. The hours are roughly 7am until 6:30pm with a half hour lunch break. The kicker is you are either on call or on late every other day...if on call I could get paged in any time from 7pm until 8am the next day, or on the weekends it goes from 8am until 8am the next day. My first night on call, Monday, I got home at 6pm, showered, and was called back in at 6:15 and was there until 1am, got home at 1:30am and had to get back up at 6am to go back in for the day. If late, you stay to wrap up the last surgeries of the day, normally until 7-8pm. I was on late Wednesday and was there until 8pm. At least I am learning a lot, but it is SO tiring. I am already counting don until I move on to the next rotation. 2 more weeks.
But I did work hard and managed to get off friday and saturday this week. I landed some red sox vs. yankees tickets on stubhub for mark and I (making me the best girlfriend ever) and we headed in to the city friday morning for our fourth of july game.
It was supposed to rain, but it just stayed overcast until we got to the park. Mark wore a red sox shirt, which it quickly became apparent was nOT a good idea. A group of yankees fans in front of us started calling him "Harry Potter Senior". And this asshole group behind us started bothering me calling me and him a loser, and telling me I needed to break up with him. They were really aggressive about it. Then in the 7th inning it started raining and all I had was my two umbrellas, but they were yellow with dogs or purple. Mark choose to open the purple one and the jeers started again, about massachusetts being all gay, and how mark had no manhood. It was obnoxious, and even though Mark tried to be a good sport you could tell he was getting pissed. We ducked out since the red sox were winning 6 to 3 in the 7th, and made a good choice since ten minutes later everyone left when they ended the game because of the rain.
Sadly Mark was Mr. Grumpy after that, and he needed a nap, so we went back to the car and he napped while I went in search of food (which was actually tough since so many places were closed for the fourth). We were thinking of meeting Izzy and some friends for fireworks in brooklyn, but then a huge thunderstorm came through, so we decided to pack up and leave.
On the ride home Mark got in his head he wanted to stop at Foxwoods. I did not but was happy to accommodate him, so we went and I slept in the car. The good news was it brought back Mark's good mood when he won $110 in poker. We didn't get home until 4am, but it meant we were able to be lazy and sleep in doing mostly nothing all Saturday. We had dinner and watched a movie, but I was a little sad I was not able to convince Mark to stay one more night, I think after 2.5 days with mehe was starting to O.D. on Lindsey. And sadly I am on call starting in 15 minute for the next 24 hours : ( . Something tells me I will be in the hospital a lot today, but oh well.
But I did work hard and managed to get off friday and saturday this week. I landed some red sox vs. yankees tickets on stubhub for mark and I (making me the best girlfriend ever) and we headed in to the city friday morning for our fourth of july game.
It was supposed to rain, but it just stayed overcast until we got to the park. Mark wore a red sox shirt, which it quickly became apparent was nOT a good idea. A group of yankees fans in front of us started calling him "Harry Potter Senior". And this asshole group behind us started bothering me calling me and him a loser, and telling me I needed to break up with him. They were really aggressive about it. Then in the 7th inning it started raining and all I had was my two umbrellas, but they were yellow with dogs or purple. Mark choose to open the purple one and the jeers started again, about massachusetts being all gay, and how mark had no manhood. It was obnoxious, and even though Mark tried to be a good sport you could tell he was getting pissed. We ducked out since the red sox were winning 6 to 3 in the 7th, and made a good choice since ten minutes later everyone left when they ended the game because of the rain.
Sadly Mark was Mr. Grumpy after that, and he needed a nap, so we went back to the car and he napped while I went in search of food (which was actually tough since so many places were closed for the fourth). We were thinking of meeting Izzy and some friends for fireworks in brooklyn, but then a huge thunderstorm came through, so we decided to pack up and leave.
On the ride home Mark got in his head he wanted to stop at Foxwoods. I did not but was happy to accommodate him, so we went and I slept in the car. The good news was it brought back Mark's good mood when he won $110 in poker. We didn't get home until 4am, but it meant we were able to be lazy and sleep in doing mostly nothing all Saturday. We had dinner and watched a movie, but I was a little sad I was not able to convince Mark to stay one more night, I think after 2.5 days with mehe was starting to O.D. on Lindsey. And sadly I am on call starting in 15 minute for the next 24 hours : ( . Something tells me I will be in the hospital a lot today, but oh well.
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